Chapter 37: New Year’s Day
from the 2017 album “Reputation” by Taylor Swift
written with Emily in the next seat on the train, 3 July 2019
But I stay when it’s hard, or it’s wrong
Or we’re making mistakes
Wut happened last night
And where we changing again
Yeah but what happened last night
Laura tried to kiss me
You threw up at her place
And we’re persona non grata in Paris
So you know, not the worst thing to happen
Hey im sorry about all of that
Mustve been pretty drunk
Only remember you n her screaming a lot
That’s an understatement
You really miss her
I don’t want to talk about it
You know what you did
Sorry i messed up
I shouldn’t hv said anything last night
Actually is it okay if I go?
Youve been good to me for the weekend, but maybe I should go home, Ive seen enough of Paris
This trip has been shit so far anyway
No it’s fine
You don’t have to go
Just that I texted Laura but she isn’t replying
Im really sorry
Didnt know that waterfall was yr secret spot
It’s not your fault
Laura is such an awful person
You found that place didn’t you
You can bring anyone you want there
You said that much last night
Laura is like that sometimes
Can’t handle people being more important than her
Let her calm down a bit
I just talked to her too
God its strange writing to somebody you havent talked to for years
YOU PHONED HER?!
Well i tried to
Did she say anything rude?
She was swearing a lot down the phone
(photo of chat with Laura)
Shell calm down
She always does
I don’t know
She’s so capricious
BTW, you’re headed to Munich right?
Yh im off to see the castle
Thought i might see it since im around
Though i can come to cologne with u too
Like if u need the company
Oh that’s nice of you…
You don’t have to, seriously
No it’s fine
Ive got the time
I feel guilty after last night anyway
Wru going? Geneva right?
Actually, one more thing
Why the hell are we talking like this?
Talking like how?
Like why are you not coming over to chat
Were talking fine arent we?
I can literally SEE you from my seat
How long would it take for you to come over and say something
There’s like sixteen hundred people round your seat
Cant you come over here instead
I like it here
The woman next to me is kind
She doesn’t chew loudly
She’s the opposite of Laura
Yeah but nobody wants to talk to u in that space
Do you wanna find a space near the doors to talk?
Lets just go on
What is it with you, actually
Where you planning to go for Munich?
You can never do a one-on-one convo without disappearing
I guess I just don’t like people
They’re both nice
Look, it’s not like I hate you or anything
It’s just that I
Kind of don’t like facing up to people too long?
Never thot youd be the shy one
It’s not really about being shy
Just like I talk and then
It feels awkward?
Like sometimes you or others ask questions
And I don’t have answers
You were asking me stuff on the train and I wasn’t ready
You dont have to answer everything
Im just curious
And i guess i just wanted somebody to talk to
It’s not your fault
I just need time
Laura was a rare exception
Maybe that’s why
I still feel a bit guilty
Do you need a bit of me time?
Im not good at talking but i can stay if you want me to
Oh you don’t have to
Least i could do after paris
You know it’s gonna be the other way round right?
You don’t even know German or French
Well i might be useful some way
Unless youd like to explore Geneva on your own
Yeah about that
What do you mean lied?
I wasn’t going to Geneva
Actually I made that up when you asked me
But you told me you werent planning to stay…
All made up
Before you turned up
I thought I was gonna be able to have a quiet few weeks in Paris
I thought I could patch things up with Laura and find my friend back or something
So when you asked me where I was going, I told you that I was leaving in a couple of days
Maybe I was gonna leave soon, who knows?
I just needed to get away for a bit from people who knew me and from people who would just look at me
London was just too much, you know?
Just everyone looking at me and then looking through me
But you were there and I wasn’t sure if I wanted somebody like you there all the time
And then it turned out that Laura hadn’t let me go yet
Maybe she won’t
Anyway I don’t really know where I’m going with this
Whyd you stay?
Honestly? I don’t know
Maybe just a desire to latch on to somebody or to feel like I matter or something
I mean, you can go your own way
Don’t mind me
Just casually being a drop in the ocean
Of course not
At least youll have somebody to talk to
Or to vent out on, whatever
Seriously, you don’t have to
I don’t know where I’m going anyway
And Geneva is boring
Come with me to Munich then
I could use a language helper
Most people in Munich know how to speak English, you know that?
I’ll only be there to spoil the view
DONT SAY THAT
It’d be much happier with you along for the ride
Plus youre not a bad tour guide
Youre really good at helping people out you know
Dont sell yourself short
So u wanna come?
She sat down quietly in the empty seat next to him.
“I’ve got some time. I can stay.”
“Thanks for everything.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for a very long time.
“Stuttgart. Shouldn’t we be getting off?”
“Yeah, sure. Give me a hand with the bags?”
“Come along with me then…”
It’s the first time I’ve ever had somebody editing my stuff in real time. The person who’s reading this over my shoulder is a real sill
“GIVE THAT BACK EMILY, I HAVEN’T FINISHED WITH THAT YET”